This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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