Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
