Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
this is an emotional support booty call
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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