Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just want nice things and good sex
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
