He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
