I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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