The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Even my vagina gasped.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
