That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
