I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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