Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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