I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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