i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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