Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
