I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
