So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
