you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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