im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
