do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
