ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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