Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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