This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
