dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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