uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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