i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
