Don't make out with my wife yet
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
