I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
