how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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