So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
