i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
