i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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