I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
