im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
