My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
