quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
