you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
