I heard we made out
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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