I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
