Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
