I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
