Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
After tacos, we're chasing women.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
