Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
