he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
