I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
