Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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