I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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