I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
