This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
