I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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