there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
