I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
