I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
