I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
